Respect in the EA Role
You can't demand or expect respect, you have to earn it... but how?
An EA asked me recently “how do I get people to respect what I do as an Executive Assistant?” And my immediate answer was “you have to be good at your job”.
That’s probably not the answer she wanted to hear. Though, maybe that’s what she needed to hear? But also, there are so many factors at play here, so how really does one answer this question?
Personally, I stand my ground on my answer (I’m not saying everyone should agree, but more so that this is how I operate and it has worked for me over a long period of time so I wanted to share my opinion and perspective) - to me, working hard and being good at my job is the best path to gaining other people’s respect, though whether they give it to you or not, even after all that, is not in your control.
Work hard, make smart decisions, get shit done, and build your reputation. With that reputation you’ll be able to say “no” to tasks you shouldn’t be doing, you’ll be able to work on projects you want to, you’ll gain the trust from your executive, you will be able to grow, and you’ll build confidence. Respect comes over time, with consistency and hard work.
I realized though, “you have to be good at your job” means something different to everyone. And sometimes getting respect from people is, again, outside of your control, no matter how “good” you might be (in which case, if it’s your exec who undermines your role and disrespects you then maybe it’s time to leave them (they’re probably like that to everyone and it’s not a great environment to work in), or if it’s a coworker who looks down on you, do you really need to spend time and waste emotional energy and space caring about what they think (they’re probably the ones who are insecure and suck at their job lol, but I digress…))
Anyway, “good” is subjective. “Work hard” is subjective. My level of “good” is different than someone else’s. Even “respect” is subjective. And work product or decisions that are considered “good” to me could be very different from someone else’s “good”. How we all perceive our own value and worth and what we base it on is different.
It’s like when someone says “omg it’s freezing” and it’s 50ºF. I’m from Los Angeles, and for someone who never saw real snow falling from the sky until their mid 30s, that is very, very cold to me, and I am extremely likely to say something like that, albeit facetiously. But for someone who is going through negative degree weather and currently in an ice storm in Portland, Oregon, they are wishing for the warmth of 50ºF weather. Just like how “freezing weather” is subjective, so is “good”.
Because of this realization, I thought it would be good to expand on my original answer that “you have to be good at your job” to gain respect. Here are my thoughts (in no particular order, and by no means an exhaustive list).
Be Consistent
People, not just your executive, should know what to expect from you based on your history working at the company. This is why it takes time to build your reputation - because no one can know how good or bad you are based on one project, one interaction, one chat thread, one presentation. If you consistently produce good work, if you are consistently reliable and trustworthy, if you consistently make the right decisions, then people start to understand the type of person and employee and EA you are.
Be Results Oriented
When your executive gives you a task (assuming it’s a reasonable and achievable request), do it to the best of your ability - figure out what you need in order to get it done, know who to go to in order to find out the information you need, be resourceful, finish the task on time, and keep them updated so they don’t have to micromanage you.
Know How, When, & What to Communicate
Know how to communicate with your executive - Adapt your style to theirs. If you notice they don’t ever respond to your emails, but they’re quick on texts, then switch to texts. If they need regular standup time with you everyday, make yourself available and ready. If they want straight to the point information, answers, and solutions, then throw out all the fluff, don’t give excuses, and keep your communication concise and results oriented. Understand their personality so that you know what style of communication will resonate best with them.
Know when and what to communicate with them. Sometimes they should know something immediately, other times, it won’t be helpful if they know. Timing and knowing what information you should share are both equally as important.
Observe Their Habits, Behaviors, and Patterns
Executives are people. They have particular ways of doing things. They ask the same questions all the time. They’re curious about the same things every time. They have favorite cuisines, and preferred hotels, airlines, and seat preferences. They like their meetings a certain way - maybe max 30 min., zoom preferred, agenda/context for every meeting otherwise don’t schedule, no meeting Wednesdays, done by 430pm, etc. If you can observe the way they operate and understand their why, you can make better decisions, you can be proactive, you can provide quick solutions, and you can become an asset to your executive, which in turn makes you “good at your job”.
Work Hard & Smart
I’m traditional (is that the right word?) in this sense. If I have to work late hours to get something done, I will. If I need to be available and check emails/slacks on my computer or phone all day, I will. This doesn’t mean I work all day, it means that I make myself flexible and available while also setting expectations. If I have to say no to projects, requests, people, I will. Working in this fashion allows you to build the reputation that you need in order to get better at your job in the future. Prove your worth now so no one can say shit to you later.
All of this will take a lot of time, but that’s how respect is gained, isn’t it (regardless of whether you’re an EA or not)? Over time? Naturally? Based on your consistent output and reputation? It won’t be achievable in a day or month or half a year. You will make mistakes, which is ok and expected. But you’ll learn from these mistakes and know how to avoid them in the future.
Like with everything in life, practice makes perfect. Eventually, you get better and better at what you do and how you do it. And then, slowly, over time, the respect will come.